The human body is capable of such wonders as breaking a concrete block barehanded or eating an entire Crave Case® of White Castle without vomiting. The human mind can transform a daydream into literature or a comicbook into a videogame into a TV show into a movie into a rollercoaster. Somewhere between lies the enigma of human sexuality, that most driving and mysterious of all human instincts.

In our on-going quest to improve our chances of finding a half-competent lover, the Black Hearts Party Laboratory for Sexual Exploration (BHPLS) has devised a series of tests by which anyone can plumb the depths of their own sexuality, determine whether they are pioneer or Mouseketeer, sexual scholar or student, better than they think they are or so bad they just ought to stop. Click the links below to begin testing.

Note: Masturbating while taking these tests may affect your outcome.

Determine your mental sexual brain power

Test your sexual reaction to visual stimulii