After fourteen years of garbage bags and black duct tape we decided, just for shits and giggles, to add a totally new (and yet not so foreign) layer to the party: a fetid, grotty, nineteenth-century noir carnival, or, as it quickly became known, Noirnival.

Deep in the belly of the Frying Pan an actual midway was constructed, complete with sickly black big top, dangling strings of bare bulbs, bales of hay, and real booths that — in a tip of the hat to carny thrift — were built entirely out of materials salvaged from dumpsters and garbage piles throughout the city.

In addition to perennial favorite the Chamber of Destiny, the Noirnival Midway featured Ring-a-Hobo and Choke-a-Duck — games of chance with black trinkets and booze as prizes — as well as a kissing booth, in which party-goers could whore themselves out for Noirnival dollars. This local currency — bearing a Kiss Me Now! tag on its reverse — was redeemable at Queasy's Feed Bag, a charming little food stand offering sundry tooth-blackening treats like black candy apples, black spiced nuts, black snocones, and black cotton candy that tasted — well, it's hard to describe. And then, of course, there was the perplexing Crazy Mirror!.

Upstairs there was more black carnival food, including black popcorn, burnt baby burgers with black sesame seed buns, black bean chili con "carney" nachos, black fried ravioli, black barbecued chicken skewers, and tiny black corn dogs on a stick with black mustard. And to wash it all down, a few bottles of special limited-edition Pitch Black Mountain Dew.

Those with something to prove (or nothing to lose) made use of the soiled mattress and chains of The Pornonymity Freak Show to unleash their inner porn star or freak show star or some combination of the two. A variety of masks were on hand to help keep the "nymity" in Pornonymity.

All Pornonymity Freak Show performers were paid in valuable Noirnival dollars — how much depended on how impressive the performance — that then could be spent on even more valuable carney lap dances from super-hot performers Brent and Lady Ace.

Other amusing Noirnival items included the Tunnel of Love, the ever-popular Grope Tent, the sweat-inducing music of DJs lucien and shaved, and the carney shrine to Dogcoon (patron saint of the Black Hearts Party).

Several women flashing the DJs in an attempt to get around the "no requests" rule, which, needless to say, worked.

The hot woman leading around the equally-hot guy on the leash all night, and telling him what to do.

The woman who eschewed Noirnival dollars at the kissing booth, demanding instead — and receiving — actual cash for kisses.

The two people in unsettling full-face hoods, striking poses in dramatically-lit areas and freaking people out.

Full-on bribing, bartering, and negotiating at the kissing booth. Which lead to full-on sex in the small rooms right off the dance floor.

"Golly gee, thanks for buying me a lap dance. That sure was swell."

"I gotta learn some moves from that chick."

girl: "What's under that flap?"
guy wearing clothespins: "Well, just me."
girl: "Just you?"
guy: "Yeah."
girl: "Can I peek?"
guy: "Give me an hour, I haven't been to the bar yet."
girl: "Alright.  In one hour we flip the flap."
guy: "Or sooner if the excitement rises."

"Oh my god — he's got a hammer."

"Mind if I spank that ass?"
"Sure, go ahead."
[spank]
"That's it?"
"[SPANK SPANK SPANK]
"Mmm…better."

"My friend's been in the grope room for a long time, should I go see if she's ok?"
"Only if you plan on staying in there."

"Hey, wasn't your beauty mark on the other cheek a second ago?"
"Yeah, I smeared it off on that girl."

"That guy's gay. I mean he's straight. But he's so gay."

"Are you in pain? Maybe you should drink some alcohol. That will help. "