The boat was decked out in full black regalia, which is to say lots of garbage bags, porn videotape, and other random kinds of black crap. And in addition to the return of favorites like the Chamber of Destiny, voodoo curses, and make-your-own Evil Valentine Cards, we presented Nasty Room Deluxe.

New experiences included make-your-own Pornigami, intensely vile Hate Gifts, and a "just married" hearse parked out front.

The wheel house was transformed into a Relationship Simulator, offering guests the unparalleled opportunity to experience what a fetid, terrifying hell it is to be in a relationship… without any of the actual unpleasant consequences.

The new, improved food table offered black M&Ms, black popcorn, black birthday cake, a black fruit platter, and over 300 homemade black quesadillas. This year also marked the return of black jell-o shots, that — along with the black punch and black popcorn — led to many a blackened tooth and tongue.

Our best year for costumes yet included the woman in the black rubber chainmail skirt and shawl.

The twelve guests (at last count) who showed up in wigs.

The go-go boy. And the men who loved him.

The two women who offered to make out for one of the DJs if he played The Smiths, which naturally he did.

The guy in the completely see-through pants. With no underwear.

The woman in the fishnet bodysuit. And nothing else.

The guy wearing the cock cage. And nothing else.

The two women who pretended to use the urinals in the men’s room so they could check out the merchandise.

The four couples (at least) who left their marks on the itchy, bristly, already-nasty beds.

The group of six straight women who, rather than hunt around for men, decided to take matters into their own hands and make out with each other.

The cleaning crew who, during setup, were so driven to distraction by the porn squares in the Pornigami station that Ian and Marc had to take it away from them.

The very same cleaning crew who, the next day, after the party, broke into the display case and stole all the sex toy prizes. Included in the haul were a blindfold, two cock-rings, a bottle of lube, and a vibrator.

In the first year that all three hosts were single, despite massive pairings (and triplings) off at the end of the night, somehow all three of us went home alone.

And yes, there really was free clown massage.