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Saloon
Montreal, Quebec |
Curly’s Vegetarian Lunch
New York, NY |
Dish
Charlotte, NC |
Casimir
New York, NY |
Chai
Brooklyn, NY |
Peasant
New York, NY |
Pat’s King of Steaks
Philadelphia, PA |
The Abbey Food and Bar
West Hollywood, CA |
Bar 89
New York, NY |
Restaurant Globe
Montreal, Canada |
8 Minute Dating
New York, NY |
Hamburger Mary's
San Diego, CA |
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 Why force upon yourself the unpleasant burden of making a public scene with your significant other when you can make them do all the work for you? That's the beauty of brunch at West Hollywood's The Abbey Food and Bar. You can enjoy perfectly good food in a relaxed atmosphere while your victim does all the work; here's how.
Tell your not-better half to meet you for brunch at The Abbey. If you're a gay man this won't come across as remotely abnormal; The Abbey is ground zero for West Hollywood gay "culture". If you don’t happen to be one of the gays you'll be fine but the reverse scene-making may be more of a challenge.
Arrive early and get a table towards the front of the big courtyard entrance, and take a seat facing the other tables and the stream of people coming and going off North Robertson. Once your date arrives you can both enter the little coffee shop-like part of the building to place your brunch order. I ordered a turkey burger and salad; my victim, Paul, ordered a grilled chicken sandwich with sun dried tomatoes and swiss on focaccia. Pay at the counter and they deliver the food to your table.
The Abbey has a great selection of coffee drinks and iced teas; I sipped a strawberry and mint iced tea while waiting for our food to be delivered. The iced tea was delicious and refreshing and made it easy for me to relax, drift, and pay little attention to what my date was saying. I started by allowing my thoughts to drift pleasantly and randomly; Paul noticed I wasn’t really paying attention but decided not to address it.
Time to step it up. As Paul drones on and on about something or other I make it a point to start noticing the pretty crowd. Honestly, West Hollywood boys in tight sleeveless Ambercrombie and Fitch shirts and Gucci sunglasses aren’t my type, but Paul doesn’t know that.
The food comes – my turkey burger and salad are perfectly good. I like that the roll is grilled, nice touch. Paul says his chicken on focaccia is fine but nothing spectacular; I don’t care, I’m not really paying attention to Paul or his focaccia at this point. I can tell Paul’s getting really annoyed because he’s picking at his fries, dragging them through ketchup, and eating them without taking his eyes off me.
And my eyes are everywhere but on Paul. Occasionally I smile at a nonexistent person over Paul’s shoulder.  Finally he snaps; "Are you here with me?" he demands. I absently say something like "I guess so" and now Paul’s really pissed off. He throws down his napkin, says something about my calling him when I’m ready to pay attention to him, and storms out.
That’s the beauty of The Abbey. I managed to piss off Paul while doing little more than sitting outside on a gorgeous LA afternoon, eating a better than decent brunch, and enjoying the view. And if that’s not enough to constitute the perfect scene-making venue, consider these two bonuses. One: because you pay when you order, I’m spared the cost of having to pay for the meal after the scene comes to a head. And two: after my bitchy date storms out on me I’m only left sitting alone in my staged despondency for all of three and a half minutes before the guy at the next table starts flirting and I get to take home a nice consolation prize. |
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| chumwater |
| March 22, 2003 |
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